Monday, August 22, 2011

FIrst Day of School

Today is the first day of school! Just dropped the kids off...ahhh peace and quiet! I was able to sneak out of the room while Sky was playing so no tears! I'm sure he got upset once he realized I wasn't there anymore but fingers crossed he didn't!

This is Isabelle's last year of preschool. She could have gone to kindergarten this year but since her birthday is a late birthday we were able to have a choice. I don't take very many decisions lightly.. I am so indecisive and I over think everything and I need to have more confidence in my decision when I actually finally make it.

I was told in March that I needed to register Isabelle for kindergarten. I really didn't want to do it. Nothing about it felt right. Jason and I went back and forth about full day vs half day. I spoke with teachers at the school, I spoke with her preschool teachers, I spoke with friends. It wasn't until the last day of registration that I actually pushed myself kicking and screaming into the building to register her. Then I got back in my car and just cried because I wasn't ready for this and I didn't truly feel like she was either.

Don't get me wrong Isabelle is very intelligent. Very. And not just books smart intelligent she is so smart in so many different areas. But she has the attention span of a fly and no focus. She still gets very tired in the afternoons and after school last year of a 9-1:30 MWF schedule was pure torture. Thinking about everyday 9-3 made me want to just run away from home at the start of the school year.

I thought about her friends that would not be starting kindergarten until next year..all of which have summer birthdays or September and October birthdays and she seemed just like them but the kids that turned 5 during the winter last year that she would be going with seemed so much older.

I was really sick with stress over it all. I couldn't sleep at night and during the day I just wanted to cry. I would just tell myself over and over, "this is what you are supposed to do", but it offered me no comfort at all. Then I ran into a friend at Target who had decided to wait another year with her daughter and suddenly it was like the weight was lifted and I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I didn't even really know at that time it was an option..well, let me rephrase.. I knew it was an option but I didn't realize it could be an option for us. I had heard of kids having birthdays June-August waiting but Isabelle's was May. We had already planned to wait a year with Sky and his is a mere 7 days after hers.

I gave myself some time to digest all of this new info and really go over it (and over it and over it) in my mind. I finally brought it up to Jason and he was right on board with me. We got Isabelle registered back in preschool and had to rearrange Sky's schedule.

I didn't really share my decision with very many people. I knew there were people who would not support it but I really didn't realize how great that number would be. Uh yeah... a lot. I was truly shocked. I mean this is my kid, right? We are the parents and get to make the decisions, right? Apparently not. I was met with a lot of oppression which some days would make me feel like I was doing the wrong thing and other days it would make me feel the exact opposite. I really didn't get why all of these people had such a vested interest in Isabelle's schooling. Oddly enough we met a lot of strangers this summer..most of the ones I remember were in public restrooms.. strange, right? They would start talking to the kids and ask how old they were. Isabelle would say she was 5 which then resulted with "so you start kindergarten this year." To which Isabelle would say "No I am going to start kindergarten when I'm 6" so they would look at me for an explanation and every single one of them only said they thought I was doing a wonderful thing. Oh I wanted to hug them...and take down their number for when the other people were not so positive I could have them call the stranger and hear how awesome I truly was. ;o)

Most people backed off come the middle of the summer or I would just change the subject when school came up. Orientation was Friday and it was like the beginning of the summer all over again with me in tears in the afternoon wondering "what in the world am I doing?" all because of some look that a mom gave me when Isabelle said she was already 5 and that her birthday was in May. A sympathetic look that said "oh you poor thing you have a stupid daughter". While I appreciate your concern and sympathy no my daughter is not stupid. I have a feeling sympathetic mom and I are not going to end up besties. Darn. Moms are so mean. Ugh.

My question is how in the world am I supposed to teach Isabelle to be confident in her decisions when I obviously really suck in this department?