FIrst Day of School

Today is the first day of school! Just dropped the kids off...ahhh peace and quiet! I was able to sneak out of the room while Sky was playing so no tears! I'm sure he got upset once he realized I wasn't there anymore but fingers crossed he didn't!

This is Isabelle's last year of preschool. She could have gone to kindergarten this year but since her birthday is a late birthday we were able to have a choice. I don't take very many decisions lightly.. I am so indecisive and I over think everything and I need to have more confidence in my decision when I actually finally make it.

I was told in March that I needed to register Isabelle for kindergarten. I really didn't want to do it. Nothing about it felt right. Jason and I went back and forth about full day vs half day. I spoke with teachers at the school, I spoke with her preschool teachers, I spoke with friends. It wasn't until the last day of registration that I actually pushed myself kicking and screaming into the building to register her. Then I got back in my car and just cried because I wasn't ready for this and I didn't truly feel like she was either.

Don't get me wrong Isabelle is very intelligent. Very. And not just books smart intelligent she is so smart in so many different areas. But she has the attention span of a fly and no focus. She still gets very tired in the afternoons and after school last year of a 9-1:30 MWF schedule was pure torture. Thinking about everyday 9-3 made me want to just run away from home at the start of the school year.

I thought about her friends that would not be starting kindergarten until next year..all of which have summer birthdays or September and October birthdays and she seemed just like them but the kids that turned 5 during the winter last year that she would be going with seemed so much older.

I was really sick with stress over it all. I couldn't sleep at night and during the day I just wanted to cry. I would just tell myself over and over, "this is what you are supposed to do", but it offered me no comfort at all. Then I ran into a friend at Target who had decided to wait another year with her daughter and suddenly it was like the weight was lifted and I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I didn't even really know at that time it was an option..well, let me rephrase.. I knew it was an option but I didn't realize it could be an option for us. I had heard of kids having birthdays June-August waiting but Isabelle's was May. We had already planned to wait a year with Sky and his is a mere 7 days after hers.

I gave myself some time to digest all of this new info and really go over it (and over it and over it) in my mind. I finally brought it up to Jason and he was right on board with me. We got Isabelle registered back in preschool and had to rearrange Sky's schedule.

I didn't really share my decision with very many people. I knew there were people who would not support it but I really didn't realize how great that number would be. Uh yeah... a lot. I was truly shocked. I mean this is my kid, right? We are the parents and get to make the decisions, right? Apparently not. I was met with a lot of oppression which some days would make me feel like I was doing the wrong thing and other days it would make me feel the exact opposite. I really didn't get why all of these people had such a vested interest in Isabelle's schooling. Oddly enough we met a lot of strangers this summer..most of the ones I remember were in public restrooms.. strange, right? They would start talking to the kids and ask how old they were. Isabelle would say she was 5 which then resulted with "so you start kindergarten this year." To which Isabelle would say "No I am going to start kindergarten when I'm 6" so they would look at me for an explanation and every single one of them only said they thought I was doing a wonderful thing. Oh I wanted to hug them...and take down their number for when the other people were not so positive I could have them call the stranger and hear how awesome I truly was. ;o)

Most people backed off come the middle of the summer or I would just change the subject when school came up. Orientation was Friday and it was like the beginning of the summer all over again with me in tears in the afternoon wondering "what in the world am I doing?" all because of some look that a mom gave me when Isabelle said she was already 5 and that her birthday was in May. A sympathetic look that said "oh you poor thing you have a stupid daughter". While I appreciate your concern and sympathy no my daughter is not stupid. I have a feeling sympathetic mom and I are not going to end up besties. Darn. Moms are so mean. Ugh.

My question is how in the world am I supposed to teach Isabelle to be confident in her decisions when I obviously really suck in this department?

a boy and his dog

This boy loves his dog.

He talks nonstop all day to Kashmir, about Kashmir, "where is Kashy?"..nonstop.all.day.

The feeling is mutual though but I'm fairly certain the only reason Kashmir allows Schuyler to do whatever he wants to her is because she is a smart girl and knows you do not bite the hand that feeds you. And Schuyler makes sure that Kashmir never goes hungry.

Which has resulted in Kashmir having a weight problem....again. They are a match made in heaven due to their shared love of food and eating. So, naturally, Schuyler makes sure to share all of his food with Kashmir. Have I mentioned he eats nonstop all day?

We are trying our hardest to fix this problem before it results in another knee surgery. The fact that she has already had knee surgery and is getting up there in age makes the weight problem this go around feel much more serious.

He isn't exactly the best listener though...that or he just doesn't care what we say. Probably a little bit of both. We constantly tell him she can't have people food and he gives us that smile as he hands her another bite. Little stinker.

You can try hard to get frustrated with him but its something about that smile..its impossible. Trust me I have tried very hard these past 2 years. It is virtually impossible to stay mad at that boy for more than 2 seconds before he smiles or does something to make you burst into laughter.

Hopefully that quality will take him far in life. But, for now, it leaves me in a life filled with moments of frustration that last for only a second before I'm left smiling and shaking my head wondering where I went wrong.

But we do have one very happy dog!

xxJen

Is this thing on?

Wow almost one year exactly since my last post. It has been quite a year..lots of soul searching and finding myself I guess. I have had a year of being very frustrated with my camera and feeling like I couldn't find the words I was looking for to write which resulted in locking both the camera and the blog in a closet for the past year. Not literally, I have taken photos of my kids but none of them were meeting my approval. You are your hardest critic, I guess. It was very frustrating not feeling capable of expressing myself creatively at all.

I also found out I have one of the thyroid issues..I can't keep them straight which is which. When I remember to take my medication everything is great..my hair doesn't fall out, I am happy, I lose weight, I have energy...I really need to be better about taking that medication! I am so glad I went to the Dr's and got it tested. I really thought I was losing my mind. I have never felt depressed before and it really sucked. I know, who really goes around enjoying depression. Man though it sucked. I was convinced it was my thyroid after talking to a friend... at first my Dr just wanted to write me an Rx for some anti-depressants and call me an angry housewife. Glad I fought for that test!

Then I was excommunicated from my sorority friends. No it isn't a real sorority but it very well could be. I'm not even sure really what happened..at this point I don't even care anymore honestly. At the time it was all happening I wasn't really sure of how I was feeling..I went through a lot of emotions..anger..hurt..resentment...sad...relief. I always ended up feeling relieved. Now that it has been some time I can say 100% that it is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I took the experience and everything I learned from it to grow and change and figure out who it is that I want to be.

I guess it was a year of a lot of falling down but every time I picked myself back up and moved forward.

I have missed using the blog as an outlet and journal since I am a terrible scrapbooker and baby book filler-inner. I hope to be around more..if anyone even still remembers this exists and if no one does that is ok because I am perfectly happy talking to myself like I do all day every day.

And here are the kids! Yes they always love each other that much and are always that happy..always. No fighting or whining in our house...at least not in my imaginary world I choose to visit..often.

Well, that's all for now.

xxJen

Our Little Dancer

The first song they danced to "Come and Get Your Love". Of course Isabelle danced beautifully. Pure perfection. Well maybe not perfection but she sure did look cute up there.

They did this adorable little move during this number where they kind of hugged themselves and then shimmied down. I definitely just completely butchered whatever the move was and made it sound so not cute. It really was though. Just take my word.

The second dance was to the song, "Fireflies". Its a current song on the radio. Of course I spend my days listening to Laurie Berkner so I had never even heard the song before. Now I can't get the song out of my head and I think it comes on in every store and restaurant we are in.

Every time I hear it I picture Isabelle doing her dance and skipping around the stage and it makes me smile. That would be the performance from the competition we did because she decided not to do the dance for the recital.

Nope, instead she did her own thing. Most of it was spent looking like this. I may not be a dancer but I am fairly certain this is not a dance move she was taught. Hands on hip, chin up in the air, lips pursed.

Nope, this is not a dance move this is the "I don't care what you want me to do I am not going to do it" move. Now that move she has perfected.

"Sing us a song you're the piano man"

"sing us a song tonight
well we're all in the mood for a melody
and you got us all feeling alright"

Sweet Dreams

Many nights Isabelle will show up in our room in the middle of the night saying she had a bad dream. When we try to ask her what it was about she says she would just rather not talk about it. I never really knew if she really meant that or if she was just saying she had a bad dream hoping we would let her sleep with us.

This morning while we were eating breakfast she told me she had a scary dream last night. She said that her Sleeping Beauty Doll (her most prized doll) was in her laptop and she had really scary teeth. Then I did something that made her come to life from out of the laptop (she didn't have scary teeth anymore) and Sleeping Beauty was holding her tight and wouldn't let her go.

All day she thought about her dream. She kept asking me when she would forget about it. I wanted so badly to reach into her mind and erase it. At naptime I asked her if she wanted Sleeping Beauty in bed with her. She asked me why I would ask her that. Of course she wanted Sleeping Beauty. I just tried to brush it off..Silly Mommy, what was I thinking. We read stories and she says to me she knows why I asked her if she wanted Sleeping Beauty in bed. She says I asked because of her dream and she assures me she will be ok. "Don't worry Mommy", she says to me. It is becoming virtually impossible to get anything past that girl.

Tonight after she went to bed I told Jason about her dream. He told me 2 days ago she wanted to watch Taylor Swift videos on his iPad. When he searched for them this was the first video that came up

No wonder she had a bad dream! Eek! She just came out of her room now and said she is still thinking about it and had another dream. I think its going to be a long night. Hopefully she only has sweet dreams tonight.

To the moon

Tonight at dinner Isabelle leans over to Schuyler and whispers, "I love you so much, Buddy. I love you the whole way to the moon and back". And my heart was happy.